What is Quality of Life?

What is Quality of Life?

WRITTEN BY: MARQUIA CALDWELL, LPC

Quality of life is the degree to which you are healthy, comfortable, and able to participate in or enjoy life. It’s often reflected in your physical, mental, emotional, and psychological wellbeing. The definition of quality of life varies from person to person, but most agree that happiness and satisfaction in life is the goal.

When we begin to suffer in certain areas of life, this is called poor quality of life. Poor quality of life is seen as a decreased living standard where there is an absence of basic needs as well as social, cultural, emotional, and spiritual needs. When we experience this, we can grow truly unhappy and finding enjoyment in life is difficult.

Signs of poor quality of life:

  • Negative Thoughts and Words
  • Sedentary Lifestyle
  • Lack of hobbies and time for self
  • Excessive work or studies
  • Lack of focus and goals
  • Poor Diet
  • Poor Sleeping Habits
  • Negative Relationships
  • Toxic Environments

Happiness is often associated with having a good quality of life. Happiness can be understood as the fulfillment of goals, needs, and wishes in an area that has value to a person. Happiness leads to increased success, better health, and rewarding relationships. Quality of life can be improved once we recognize we are struggling and unhappy.

Ways to Improve Quality of Life

  • Maintain Healthy Relationships – Relationships play an important role in our lives. Healthy relationships increase your happiness, life satisfaction, and psychological well-being.
  • Get a Good Night’s Sleep – Sleep is vital. During undisturbed deep sleep that cells in our bodies regenerate. It can improve productivity, emotional balance, creativity, and even your weight.
  • Regular Exercise – Exercise pumps up our endorphins – our “feel good” hormones – which has an immediate uplifting effect and helps us to concentrate, stay alert, focused, and enhances our cognitive abilities.
  • Healthy Diet – Our bodies get the most out of nutrient-rich, natural food, which in turn keeps us feeling more energized, stronger, and less prone to fatigue and illness. We also feel better mentally when we feel nourished.
  • Stay Hydrated – It’s important to stay hydrated. Our bodies are at least 70% water and when that level drops, our bodily systems do not function at their best.
  • Self-Care – Make time to take breaks and to treat yourself. Create “ME TIME”. Some examples are meditation, decluttering, reading, positive affirmations, new hobbies/interests, unplugging from social media, taking vacations, and more.
  • Goal Setting – By making short, medium, and long-term goals for ourselves – whether they are related to career, knowledge, or personal growth – we are creating opportunities to guide us in our development. Reaching them provides a sense of fulfillment and momentum and keeps us looking forward.

The steps on this path will sometimes seem treacherous, but the result is worth the effort.  It begins with conversations, being aware of your life satisfaction and treasuring it and discovering what’s missing from your life.

“Movement is life. Life is a process. Improve the quality of the process and you improve the quality of life itself.” – Moshe Feldenkrais

Mommy Guilt- and Why it feels so Heavy.

Mommy Guilt- and Why it feels so Heavy.

If you’re a working mother who struggles with “mommy guilt” this blog is for you. This blog will review the difference between mommy guilt and mommy shame and why it feels so heavy to experience it.

For those of you who have heard of the renowned Brene Brown, much of what I’m going to talk about regarding shame versus guilt comes from her. She’s a research professor who studies people and their connection to vulnerability, shame and empathy. 

What Is Mommy Guilt?

In short, guilt suggest “I’ve done something bad” while shame suggest “I am bad.” Guilt speaks to the action, while shame speaks to the person. Some might argue this is simply a matter of semantics, but if you look closer, you can see it.

Let’s take a look at internal mommy talk. When uncovering tough thoughts and feelings, internal self-talk could sound a little like this: “I forgot to pack my kids lunch and I need to call the school ASAP” (guilt) versus “I’m such a bad mom my kid doesn’t deserve me” (shame). 

Before going on, you must first understand the strong connection between thoughts and feelings. For example, if you think “My child doesn’t deserve me, I’m an absent parent and sucky person” then you are likely to feel anxiety, worry, and shame. On the other hand, if you think “I was really busy all week at work so I need to carve out some quality time with my daughter this weekend” then you are more likely to feel motivated, focused, and organized. Can you see the difference? Each thought takes feelings into two completely different directions.

How to Overcome Mommy Guilt

So what can you do with mommy guilt? First you have to identify your internal self talk. Is it more on the shame side or the guilt side? Put it on paper: what do the thoughts sound like in your head? No one can help you with this because you are the only one who hears your own thoughts. What are you feeling guilty about? Worried about? When you think about work and your role as a mom, what does it feel like? Is there a balance?

Once you start this list, you will quickly see a pattern or trend. You are likely feeling some kind of way about things like time or not doing special things with your kid. For you, the time you spend at work equals time away from your child. So let’s talk about the idea of time.

As adults, we understand the passing of time. Depending on the age of your child, many have little to no concept of time. For example, not until mid elementary age do children start understanding how to tell time. Into double digit years, they start understanding their favorite show is about 30 minutes long. They start understanding why she can’t go to bed 10 minutes later because her bedtime is 8 PM. Before this, he thinks you are 75 years old and his birthday just past last week. Because of this, you are at a slight advantage. Children (and humans in general) are more concerned with the quality of time spent in a relationship rather than the quantity of time spent in that relationship.

What to do About Mommy Guilt

Quality time is a quality exchange, mutual interaction, an interaction involving peace and overall enjoyment of one another’s presence. Your child will always prefer to have 100% of you rather than the distracted you. For example, driving in the car while having a conversation with your passenger does not count as quality time. Why? You’re clearly distracted by the road and your role by default is split between driver and communicator. Your child needs 100%, interactive, non-distracted time with you. Even 15 minutes a day, can speak volumes especially as children grow and develop.

What do do About Mommy Shame

If you’ve been struggling with mommy shame, you are not alone. You can’t be expected to tackle these feelings and experiences on your own when you have never done so before. Find a support group, talk to other working parents, attends a seminar, or find someone to talk to openly about your feelings. We can help.

5 Easy Ways to Manage Anxiety

5 Easy Ways to Manage Anxiety

WRITTEN BY: KIMBERLY ALANIZ, LCSW-S

Do you feel like getting your anxiety under control seems too hard? Below are 5 easy things you can do today to get you anxiety under control– and each just take few minutes.

1.Step away from the caffeine

 Although coffee affects each person differently, it may not be the best choice if you struggle with anxiety. Coffee is a powerful stimulant that mimics natural functions in you body that happen when we are anxious and your body /mind may not be able to tell the difference. You may feel your heart rate increase, take shorter breaths or even a rise in temperature. Mentally, you may even feel restless, stressed or nervous.  Swapping your morning coffee for warm tea or hot cocoa may help reduce anxiety without abandoning the warm, calming routine.

2. Spend some time in nature

Evaluate what your average day looks like. Where and how do you normally spend your time? If the answer is indoors and in front of a screen it may be time to get outside. Spending time in nature could improve both your physical and emotional healthy.  Physically, time outdoors lowers blood pressure, releases muscle tension and decreases the creation of stress hormones. Activities like enjoying the evening on your front porch or hiking a trail could help calm the body and mind. In fact, research shows even viewing scenic images of nature can have similar effects.

3. Focus on your breathing

Deep breathing exercises can help create links between both sympathetic (kick starts fight or flight) and parasympathetic (influences relaxation) nervous systems. When you take a long, deep breath in, your sympathetic nervous system increases things like your heart rate and blood pressure. As you elongate the exhale, your body begins slow the heart and loosen tense muscles.

 Try this breathing exercise and enjoy the benefits!

*Box breathing- Sit in a comfortable, quite spot with your feet firmly planted on the ground. Draw your attention to your breath. Drag the tip of your finger along your leg to “draw” each side of a box using the following breaths as a guide. Exhale, inhale (count to 4 in your mind), hold your breath for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts. Repeat at least 4 times.

4.Grounding

Grounding is a practice that allows a person to refocus and redirect nervous thoughts, flashbacks or uncomfortable emotions to the present time and behaviors.  Here are two grounding activities to try.

*Place your hand underneath a running tap of warm water. Focus on the temperature and pressure of the water as it hits parts of your hand. Listen closely to the sounds of the running water. How do the sensations differ from your fingertips, palm and the back of your hand? Now try this with cold water and then alternate between the two.

*5-4-3-2-1

Counting backwards from five, focusing on your five senses, interact physically or list things around you.

5 things you can see

4 things you can touch

3 things you can hear

2 things you can smell

1 thing you can taste

5. Exercise

Even though we may not always enjoy exercise, we almost never regret how we feel after. This is more than likely because of the endorphins released in our body after activity. No need to run to the gym. Things like a brisk walk with your pet, dancing in your kitchen as you cook dinner or riding your bike are all great alternatives to a gym membership.

If you begin to feel discouraged because it seems like everything you try doesn’t work, you’re not alone. Don’t feel as though you have to work through this silently. We are here to help you get your anxiety under control- reach out to us to schedule an appointment within a week.

The Best Way to Combat a Panic Attack

The Best Way to Combat a Panic Attack

Your heart feels like it’s going to beat out of your chest. Suddenly your temperature is rising. You’re getting a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach and feel like you’re out of breath. It’s getting harder to pace your breathing and your thoughts feel out of control. Each of these symptoms  alone are common side effects of anxiety, worry, and stress. When mixed together and left uncontrolled, they can create something called panic attacks.

This article will review a key way to help your body regulate and calm down before the panic attack hits. Remember, early intervention is the best way to curb panic attacks.

Deep breathing. Also known as diaphragmatic breathing or belly breathing. This is one of the most powerful tools in managing anxiety. This is the best way to calm your heart rate in a healthy way and combat an upcoming panic attack. Deep breathing is very different than taking a deep breath. The focus is on making the belly rise when inhaling and making the belly sink in when exhaling.

Let’s walk through it now:

  1. Sit comfortably with both feet on the floor. Relax your body as best you can.
  2. Place your left hand on your chest and your right hand on your belly.
  3. Breathe in through your nose slowly and focus on expanding your belly. Your right hand should rise with your breath while your left hand stays as still as possible.
  4. When your belly can’t hold any more air, hold your breath for 4 seconds, then release slowly. Remember keep your left hand as still as possible while your right hand moves in and out with your belly.

As mentioned previously, early intervention is key. The moment you begin to feel flushed, the moment your heart beats a little fast- breathe deep and begin this breathing exercise. Practice with only 3-4 breaths at a time and create a calming phrase to go along with the breathing. Something like “I am safe, I am sound” or “Breath in the positive, Release the negative,” or “If God is for me, who can be against me.”

It’s best to practice each day when you feel calm, that way when you feel overwhelmed, you will remember what you practiced. Just a few minutes a day can really pay off during the time you really.

Click here for a visual on how to do apply the 4X4X4 breathing strategy.

3 Reasons Why Finding a Counselor Can Be So Hard

3 Reasons Why Finding a Counselor Can Be So Hard

Why is it so hard to find a counselor? After weeks of looking, you’re starting to think Maybe it’s best to just quit. You’re faced with multiple barriers you hadn’t even considered that leave you with thoughts like, Wait, how much does counseling cost? You don’t take my insurance? How long until I can start? What do you mean you don’t specialize in this?

This article reviews some of the top reasons finding a counselor can be so hard and 3 solutions to help.

“Sorry, we don’t take your insurance.” Contrary to popular belief, not every counselor takes your insurance- or any insurance at all. Private pay rates for counseling services can range anywhere between $80-$150 per session. If you are looking for a counselor who specifically takes your insurance, start with your insurance company. Call the “member services line” on the back of your insurance card, it is usually a 1–888 or 1-800 phone number. Ask for help to find a “mental health or behavioral health counselor.” Put your insurance to work. Ask for a list of counselors in your area who take your insurance and begin calling from there.

Sorry, we aren’t taking new clients and won’t have availability until 3 months from now.” Believe it or not, counseling is in high demand. Some counseling agencies don’t have availability until weeks or months out. Consider the problem you are facing, can this issue wait for weeks or months? The typical answer is no, it cannot. Don’t postpone receiving support simply because that counselor is unavailable. Keep calling other places, keep looking around. With virtual services available, consider calling other cities in your area. This could widen the availability for clinical counseling services.

“Sorry, we don’t treat that issue here.” Some counselors do not specialize in the issue you are needing counseling services for. For example, if you are needing marriage counseling, not all counselors treat couples. If you need counseling for your seven-year-old child, not all counselors are trained to treat this age group. Based on the problem you need help with, take a look around for a counselor who specializes in this issue. When you call different places, let this be the first question you ask- Do any of your counselors offer couples counseling? When searching online, search specifically for “marriage counseling” rather than just “counseling.”

Overall, finding a counselor can be difficult. But please, don’t take this as some sort of weird sign from the world that you should NOT get help. The previously mentioned are minor inconveniences in the grand scheme of things. Your healing is on the line and you deserve this. Don’t let obstacles deter your opportunity for a better future.

4 Easy Ways to Combat Anxious Thoughts

4 Easy Ways to Combat Anxious Thoughts

Anxiety is a condition that exists in the thoughts of the mind. Based on the thoughts you create, it can fuel worry, stress and even fear. One way to manage anxiety is through mental defense through the thoughts you think. Here are a few ways to help get that anxiety under control in the mind. Yes. Mind control:

1). Ask yourself, is this thought accurate? 100% accurate? The thought that is prompting the anxiety, is it true? For example, if you’re thinking you can’t go on that road trip because you’re going to get into a car accident and die, is that true? Simple answer is you don’t know. But as of this point in time, it is not true. You are alive, so therefore it must be untrue. There is no way of knowing that information and claim it as 100% true. You must dispel the inaccuracies.

2). Use facts to counter the anxiety. Using the example from above, facts state you have a 1 in 107 chance of dying in a motor vehicle accident. This means you have less than 1% chance of dying in a car accident. AKA 99% chance of making it to your destination. Facts. Counter irrational thoughts with logic.

3). Use anchors. Look around you- what do you see, what do you hear, what do you feel on your skin, what do you smell? Tune into the sights and sounds around you. Think about the things right in front of your eyes and use them as anchors. You can’t allow your mind to convince you you are somewhere else in time. Remember the mind is exceptionally powerful. Some may find themselves in full blown panic attacks or anxiety attacks based on the thoughts they have in their head.

4). Scale it. On a scale of one to 10 on the severity or importance chart, how severe is this issue? For example, your mind starts going wild because your significant other didn’t answer their phone when you called. Your mind starts thinking outlandish things and before you know it they didn’t answer because they’re cheating you or in a hospital somewhere- or both. However, let’s go back to what happened. You called, they did not answer. On a scale of one to 10, how severe is this?? I would say it’s a good solid 2, maybe 3. This situation does not require a level 9 reaction.

So before you let your thoughts go too wild, ask yourself is this thought true? 100% of the time? What are the facts here? Where has my mind run off to? Where am I literally right now? On a scale of 1-10, how severe is this?

Remember, the mind is quick. You’ve got to sllllooooowwww your roll.

4 Unexpected Behaviors You May See in an Anxious Child

4 Unexpected Behaviors You May See in an Anxious Child

Anxiety is a preoccupation of worry that interferes with functioning. It gets in the way of daily routine and causes a tremendous amount of stress that leaves one feeling overwhelmed, uneasy, scared, and worried

With adults, it can be easier to diagnose anxiety because of adults’ ability to describe in more accuracy how they feel and what they’re experiencing. In children, however, they may not have the verbal acquisition, insight or life experience to describe accurately what they’re feeling.

Here are 4 behaviors that could indicate your child is experiencing anxiety:

1) Headaches and bellyaches. Some kids may describe physical ailments when actually they’re feeling emotionally dysregulated; this experience is called a psychosomatic complaint. A parent or caregiver might use medication but find that medication does little to ease the pain or is ineffective. Parents often feel confused because their child’s “pain” either continues or seems to get worse.

What to keep an eye out for? Kiddos who often seek out the nursing office at school or say they feel sick frequently.

2) So many emotions! There may be times you notice your child goes through a quick round of intense feelings in a short amount of time. They may go from feeling worried to suddenly getting angry and grumpy all because you mentioned you would be getting home late from work.

What to keep an eye out for? Tantrum throwing or being overly sensitive.

3) Loss of appetite. Although your child may be a finicky eater to start, loss of appetite is different. It suggests a child does not feel hungry, not that they don’t want to eat what you made. With anxiety, your mind may be going a million miles an hour, and your body and its needs can sometimes go by the wayside. It is not simply missing a meal or two, loss of appetite is usually detected over multiple days during the week for weeks on end.

What to keep an eye out for? Kids not eating at school because they “don’t like the food” or returning home with most of their food in their lunchbox.

4) Chicloso. Spanish for “sticky”; derived from “chicle” which means chewing gum; your child aka “the sticky one.” If your child is acting chicloso they don’t want to leave your side and are unusually clingy. They don’t want you to drop them off anywhere and may grow difficult to manage if plans change. In essence, they want to be with you rather than go with friends, go to school, sometimes even reverting to developmental milestones they have already passed (ex: wanting to co-sleep with you). This behavior goes beyond them not wanting to go to places. They may feel genuinely worried or even fearful of being separated from you.

What to keep an eye out for? Clinginess and regressing to behaviors you thought they grew out of (ex: bedwetting, sucking of thumb, wanting to be carried, etc)

Each of these symptoms alone can be common for kiddos who are going through normal development. However, when these symptoms are combined and/or occur over weeks and into months, I urge you to take heed. Pay attention to these behaviors and attempt to have a conversation with your child about it. When in doubt, share your concerns with their pediatrician or have a consult with one of our counselors.

Trauma and How it Affects People

Trauma and How it Affects People

Ever hear people throwing around the word “trauma” or “traumatic” and wonder what that is. This article will give you a better understanding of what trauma is and how it impacts people in the long and short run.

There are some who have gone through traumatic experiences and assume everyone goes through things like that. So for many years, they don’t realize they have gone through trauma at all. 

Trauma is the exposure to seriously stressful and often life threatening situations. Many people who have experienced trauma have an overwhelming thought that something is very, very, wrong but have no ability, capacity, or understanding of how to stop it.

During the traumatic experience, the body’s internal response kicks off (sympathetic nervous system). Their brain becomes hyper focused to sensory level things like sights, sounds, smells, or sensations. Some who have gone through trauma remember fine details like the color of clothes they were wearing, the sounds that were around, and the smell of where they were. On the other hand, some completely shut down these experiences and have a hard time remembering anything at all.

Symptoms of trauma can leave a person feeling disconnected from others, easily irritable, emotional, hot tempered, withdrawn, distrusting, hopeless and even shameful. Some experience behavior like having a hard time sleeping, increased or decreased appetite, nightmares, avoiding certain places, situations or people.

While none of the above is helpful, these reactions are completely NORMAL to an abnormal experience. If anything in this article sounds like you, you’re not alone.

La Luz Counseling specializes in helping people who have gone through traumatic experiences in a slow and gentle way. It can be scary to look back to these moments when you’re alone and left to your own thoughts. Remember, the mind can be a dangerous neighborhood to be in alone– so at La Luz we promise to go with you back to and through these tough times. 

What is Anxiety?

What is Anxiety?

What is anxiety? Does everyone have it? Will it ever go away?

This blog will cover some of these questions about anxiety, what it is and how it works.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness suggests over 40 million Americans have an anxiety disorder– which is likely a gross underestimation. There are many who have struggled with anxiety and have presumed everyone goes through it, have never been formally diagnosed, or have no idea there is a name for what they are feeling. If you’re not sure if you worry is anxiety or just plain stress, here’s a blog to learn more. 

Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or Anxiety as it is commonly called, is a mental health disorder. While it originates in the brain, the body often feels it too. Anxiety is a fear the mind creates that doesn’t seem to slow down or let up. It can be related to one topic or many and is based in something bad that could happen now or in the future. Here are some common symptoms of anxiety:

  • Constant worrisome thoughts that won’t seem to stop
  • Difficulty making decisions or concentrating
  • Trouble sleeping or staying asleep
  • Irregular breathing like your heart is beating way too fast
  • Sweating
  • Shaky hands or legs
  • Fear of something bad happening
  • Hard time controlling feelings (ex: lashing out on others, uncontrollable sobbing)
  • Don’t feel like yourself.

While we may feel these symptoms at different times of our life- for example when feeling stressed out or going through something difficult- anxiety is different. It is known to effect people for weeks, months, or even years and can be difficult to control despite our best efforts.

If you or someone you love is experiencing anxious symptoms, talk about it. Clinical anxiety will not ever truly go away, rather it can be controlled and minimized depending on different factors. Not everyone with anxiety will require medication although many times this can help. Counseling can be a great resource to help you feel like you’re not in it alone.

Don’t wait for things to get worse, start by contacting us today.

 

Why Counseling Kinda Sucks Pt. 3

Why Counseling Kinda Sucks Pt. 3

Counseling is difficult. It’s like an intense exercise of the brain, very similar to an intense physical workout- think Iron Man or Triathlon. It’s not easy; it pushes beyond your own mental limits and makes you question things that have always been your truth. It can be intense, heavy, and sometimes overwhelming- but worth it.

Let’s pretend you and I decide to get into the best shape of our entire lives. We decide to get a trainer and we push ourselves in and out of the gym. On day one, you and I are running further than we have in a long time and naturally start to feel uncomfortable. Our hearts are beating faster and our legs start burning and soon feel like giving up. But our trainer says “Push it! Push it! You can do it.” So we knock it out- tired but accomplished.

Now let’s consider the same scenario, we’re running more than we have in a long time and start to feel a pain scorching through our knees and into the hamstring area. Our trainer then tells us to “Stop.” Pain is a signal for the body to stop. Discomfort, on the other hand, is a different kind of signal- it says you could be on the verge of growth.

Knowing your body is the most important thing when working out. It’s important to know when to pull back and when to push further because your body is on the verge of growth– even though it’s uncomfortable.

Counseling is a lot like this. It will never be intended to cause you pain. That’s not the point. If counseling is causing you pain, something is not right. This isn’t to say that you won’t feel tough emotions, or taken to the point of discomfort. Feeling emotionally uncomfortable can happen in counseling- you may start feelings you’ve been pushing down for awhile or maybe have feelings you didn’t think you had in you.

Honestly, counseling can be quite difficult, especially in the beginning. It’s not easy to push beyond your own mental limits and then wait to see results that seem to take forever. But rest assured dear friend, when things in counseling get a bit uncomfortable, you’re on the verge of growth.

One of the hardest parts of counseling is endurance. Counseling is a marathon race not a sprint. As a result of pushing yourself and trusting your “trainer”/counselor, you can begin to feel different, create an outlook that’s different, and live a life that’s different.