Sep 19, 2022
Ever wondered, “Am I an anxious person?” Have you questioned, does my anxiety feel like everyone else’s? Why does it seem like my anxiety is higher than most? Perhaps your loved ones around you have pointed it out. They’ve mentioned you seem uptight and have a hard time calming down. Maybe you seem lost in space almost like you’re zoned out. If this sounds like you, here are some ways to know if you are struggling with anxiety.
Anxiety versus Feeling Anxious
As a reminder, everyone feels anxiety to some extent or another. There’s a difference between feeling anxious and having anxiety. Someone who feels anxious, has a moment of anxiety that comes and goes like any other feeling. When someone has clinical anxiety, the feeling of anxiety is overwhelming, exhausting, and sometimes debilitating.
Duration, Intensity, Frequency
Clinical anxiety is something that gets in the way of every day life. For an anxious person we look at 3 things: frequency, intensity and duration. When a person is frequently anxious, anxious thoughts usually take up the majority of the day and happens every day. Intensity looks at how severe the thoughts are: are the thoughts realistically worried (ie: I’m worried my daughter will get on the wrong bus since it’s her first week of school) or irrationally anxious (ie: My husband and I should book two sepearate flights so if one of us dies in a plane crash our kids will still have one parent)? And lastly is duration: how long do anxious spells last? Hours? Minutes? Days?
For an anxious individual, the thoughts can be so overwhelming that it’s hard to focus on anything else but the anxious thoughts. Those around you may notice it’s hard for you to calm down or unwind. It makes it difficult to stay focused, organize, and on task with things you have to. For many, anxiety keeps you up at night. You have overwhelming thoughts of all the things that could go wrong tomorrow and highlights the things you feel out of control about.
Physical Symptoms of Anxiety
For many, anxiety can lead to physical symptoms like an upset, stomach, headache, and muscle tension. Many often experience, heart palpitation, earning creased heart rate, which feels a whole lot like a physical condition. Read more about that here.
Write Down Your Anxious Symptoms
One way to determine if you’re an anxious individual is to pay attention to the thoughts you are thinking. Take inventory of how often you experience these thoughts, how intense they are and how long the last. I know, this sounds like a counselor thing to say, and it is. Listen to your thoughts. Are they fear-based? Irrational? Overwhelming? Only you can tell. You are the only one who can hear the thoughts. Pay attention to the thoughts you think. Write them down and go from there. Email us if it’s seems too much to tackle alone.
Sep 6, 2022
- WRITTEN BY: MARQUIA CALDWELL, LPC
- “Trauma is much more than a story about the past…trauma is re-experienced in the present, not as a story, but as profoundly disturbing physical sensations and emotions that may be associated with memories of past trauma”
-Bessel van der Kolk, a trauma expert
When mental health professionals talk about trauma and mental health, we are talking about an emotional or psychological injury. Trauma is a response to an experience that overwhelms an individual’s capacity to cope, often as a result of dangerous situations or life threatening events. This can be a single event or multiple events. These experiences cause a negative impact on the mind and heart. There are various forms of trauma such as, but can include the following:
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- Abuse (sexual, physical, and emotional),
- Life-threatening accidents or illnesses,
- Violence in school or the community,
- Domestic violence (witnessing or experiencing),
- National disasters,
- Acts of terror,
- Public health crises such as COVID-19,
- Loss of a loved one, especially when sudden or violent in nature,
- Refugee or war experiences,
- and Neglect.
Noticeable signs when struggling with trauma can include:
- Insomnia,
- Poor concentration,
- Intrusive memories and thoughts,
- Isolation,
- Self-doubt,
- Mood changes,
- Detachment from reality,
- Nightmares and/or flashbacks,
- Panic attacks,
- Loss of hope,
- Lack of vision for future,
- Inability to regulate emotions or lack of emotional response,
- Paranoia,
- Hypervigilance, and more.
Trauma writes itself on the mind and body of survivors. This means our actions, reactions, and behaviors are a result of our painful experiences. Each traumatic experience is unique and can manifest in lots ways such as PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, Substance Abuse, Eating Disorders, Chronic Pain, Increased chances of experiencing life-threatening conditions, Relationship and Social Issues.
“Our traumas do NOT define us; they are just a PART of who we are.”
Recovery and Support
Recovery with trauma is a journey. Think of having a deep cut on your arm. There are options presented to us to heal this cut. You can leave it alone and let it heal on its own, clean it and cover it, or go to a professional to close it up. When it comes to emotional wounds, most cover it up and hope for the best. However, sometimes when we think things are healed, we realize it didn’t quite heal right.
- Re-opening wounds can be part of the process of healing, and with counseling, this is oftentimes the case. There are various forms of counseling and psychotherapy to help survivors cope with their traumatic experiences. Along with therapy, doing enjoyable activities/ hobbies and surrounding oneself with a positive support system is incredibly helpful in coping with trauma as well.
- If you’re not sure where to start, but know you have experienced trauma, don’t wait for things to get harder or worse. Remember, getting help for trauma doesn’t have an expiration date. Even if traumatic things happened “a long time ago,” your heart can still find healing today.
Aug 11, 2022
WRITTEN BY: KIMBERLY ALANIZ, LCSW-S
Nearly every individual will experience symptoms of anxiety in their lifetime. In fact, small amounts of anxiety aren’t necessarily a bad thing. So, can anxiety be good? Or even helpful? The answer is, yes! Like other emotions, anxiety serves an important biological purpose; protection.
The Evolution of Anxiety
Evolutionarily (think back to cave man days) it protected cavemen from walking through tall grass with the potential of being attacked by an animal hiding feet away. In today’s modern world, anxiety can push you to study for a big algebra test, encourage you to apply for your dream job or discourage you from walking down a dark, empty alley alone.
Biologically, anxiety prepares and helps the body to fight, freeze or flee a stressful situation in an attempt to protect. You may experience this as a rapid heart rate and breathing, which purpose is to send oxygenated blood to muscles you need in the process (i.e., your legs). You may even experience this as racing thoughts, which mentally prepares you for every possible scenario. Although the experience itself may feel negative, healthy amounts of anxiety are normal.
So, when can anxiety be bad or unhelpful? When the feelings of anxiety become excessive dread or fear that interrupts everyday life even when there is no evidence of a real threat. These symptoms could suggest a clinical anxiety disorder.
Common Anxiety Disorders:
· Generalized anxiety disorder– excessive, unrealistic worry about everyday life situations with no obvious reason.
· Social anxiety disorder- excessive fear and irrational thoughts about social situations to include worries about feeling judged, embarrassed or humiliated.
· Panic disorder- excessive fear and worries about losing control or disaster accompanied by sudden or frequent attacks of fear that last a few minutes to longer (also called panic attacks).
Common Symptoms of Anxiety Disorders
· Feelings of panic, dread and doom,
· Difficulties falling and staying asleep,
· Shortness of breath or rapid shallow breathing,
· Rapid heart beat,
· Tense muscles,
· Stomach issues not explained by another medical condition,
· Over thinking,
· Inability to concentrate.
Sound familiar? If you or someone you love is struggling contact a mental health professional who can help you understand anxiety and help find ways to manage symptoms. Contact us today!
Jul 18, 2022
Thinking of your first session with your counselor can be scary. But rest assured, it’s not as scary as you think. This blog below will go over some expectations you can have for your first meeting with your new counselor.
How a Counselor is Different than a Doctor
To begin, a counseling appointment is very different than meeting with a doctor. A counseling session is a talk therapy session. You and your counselor will be conversating with the intent to go over as much information about you as possible. You will talk about what brings you to counseling and what you hope to get from it. Counselors do not prescribe medication, nor are we able to, so don’t count on us for that. We can, however, diagnose you with a mental health condition like generalized anxiety or post traumatic stress disorder. *If you are looking for medication for psyhological issues, you need a psychiatric appointment.
Counseling Paperwork
The first counseling appointment is about an hour or a little more. You will also have to complete loads of documents and forms (insurance info, informed consent, credit card authorization form, etc). Any good counselor will REQUIRE you to complete these before your session.
Your counselor will spend some time reviewing the informed consent with you. This form goes through fees, what to expect from counseling, how to get a hold of your counselor, your rights, and limits to confidentiality. One of the most important things is that you know all of what you share in counseling is private and confidential—with the exception of a few things, mainly related to safety of yourself and others.
The Beginning of the Counseling Session
Your counselor will ask you questions about things sticking out from your intake. Your counselor will get more information about how you grew up, your family and who is part of your family now. We want to know things that give you joy and things that really bother you. Most important, we want to know what brings you into counseling to begin with. Your counselor will talk with you and process different things to get a better understanding of your situation.
The End of the Counseling Session
By the end of session, you and your counselor will be working to identify goals based on the reason you’re getting counseling. For example, the reason you are seeking counseling might be because of marriage problems and stress. The goal is geared towards what you hope to gain from your experience in counseling. An example of a goal for marriage problems might be to better control your emotions and temper with your spouse and work on stress relieving skills.
Counseling is Your Choice
Going to counseling is a voluntary decision meaning no one can force you to come. Your counselor will make recommendations about how often you should be seen or when to come back. But ultimately it is your choice to continue counseling or not. While others around may want you to come to counseling, it is your decision. If you’re under the age of 18, you and your guardian are in control of this choice.
Remember your counselor is a person, just like you. Your counselor does not have all of the answers, a magic wand, or a special pill to make all your problems go away. The goal is to change you: how you think, how you act, and how take control of your emotions. The focus will not be on changing your situation as much as it will be on changing you.
Jun 18, 2022
Coping with anxiety is difficult for the person going through it. Also true for the people around them. Family members and close friends impacted by having a loved one struggle with anxiety is difficult too. This blog focuses 3 easy ways a loved one can support their family member without enabling.
Listen To Your Loved One.
No matter how many times you’ve heard it, no matter how often this has happened, listen. The person struggling with anxiety does not want to have this condition. They do not wake this morning wanting to feel anxiety. Listen with your ears, but really listen with your heart. Offer non-verbal encouragement, nod your head, look at them, and sit with them on their level.
Limit the Anxious Talk.
Being supportive of your loved one struggling with anxiety doesn’t mean that you are constantly available. While it is important to show consistent support by being physically and emotionally present, you don’t have to stop your own life. Give yourself a magic number. Think of a certain amount of time you are willing [and able] to give to listen and be with your loved one. This number can vary from day to day. For example, this morning you may have 15 minutes, but tomorrow you may have 30 minutes. Let your loved one know you want to be there for them but set boundaries so you don’t make yourself available 24/7.
Ask How You Can Help.
When your loved one is calm, ask what you can do to help the next time they feel anxious. Ask what they need during these times. Ask questions to better understand how anxiety impacts them personally. If your loved one does not know the answer to these questions or are providing answers that seem codependent (ie:”as long as you never leave my side, I’m ok”), that’s a clear indicator they could benefit from getting some extra help.
Having a loved one with anxiety is not easy. It may seem that despite your best attempts, the anxiety does not seem to ease back. But remember, your loved one is different than the anxiety. When you feel angry or frustrated, just remember to target this towards the anxiety not your loved one. The two of you together can fight towards the same cause: managing the anxiety.
Aug 27, 2021
WRITTEN BY: KIMBERLY ALANIZ, LCSW-S
Do you feel like getting your anxiety under control seems too hard? Below are 5 easy things you can do today to get you anxiety under control– and each just take few minutes.
1.Step away from the caffeine
Although coffee affects each person differently, it may not be the best choice if you struggle with anxiety. Coffee is a powerful stimulant that mimics natural functions in you body that happen when we are anxious and your body /mind may not be able to tell the difference. You may feel your heart rate increase, take shorter breaths or even a rise in temperature. Mentally, you may even feel restless, stressed or nervous. Swapping your morning coffee for warm tea or hot cocoa may help reduce anxiety without abandoning the warm, calming routine.
2. Spend some time in nature
Evaluate what your average day looks like. Where and how do you normally spend your time? If the answer is indoors and in front of a screen it may be time to get outside. Spending time in nature could improve both your physical and emotional healthy. Physically, time outdoors lowers blood pressure, releases muscle tension and decreases the creation of stress hormones. Activities like enjoying the evening on your front porch or hiking a trail could help calm the body and mind. In fact, research shows even viewing scenic images of nature can have similar effects.
3. Focus on your breathing
Deep breathing exercises can help create links between both sympathetic (kick starts fight or flight) and parasympathetic (influences relaxation) nervous systems. When you take a long, deep breath in, your sympathetic nervous system increases things like your heart rate and blood pressure. As you elongate the exhale, your body begins slow the heart and loosen tense muscles.
Try this breathing exercise and enjoy the benefits!
*Box breathing- Sit in a comfortable, quite spot with your feet firmly planted on the ground. Draw your attention to your breath. Drag the tip of your finger along your leg to “draw” each side of a box using the following breaths as a guide. Exhale, inhale (count to 4 in your mind), hold your breath for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts. Repeat at least 4 times.
4.Grounding
Grounding is a practice that allows a person to refocus and redirect nervous thoughts, flashbacks or uncomfortable emotions to the present time and behaviors. Here are two grounding activities to try.
*Place your hand underneath a running tap of warm water. Focus on the temperature and pressure of the water as it hits parts of your hand. Listen closely to the sounds of the running water. How do the sensations differ from your fingertips, palm and the back of your hand? Now try this with cold water and then alternate between the two.
*5-4-3-2-1
Counting backwards from five, focusing on your five senses, interact physically or list things around you.
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
5. Exercise
Even though we may not always enjoy exercise, we almost never regret how we feel after. This is more than likely because of the endorphins released in our body after activity. No need to run to the gym. Things like a brisk walk with your pet, dancing in your kitchen as you cook dinner or riding your bike are all great alternatives to a gym membership.
If you begin to feel discouraged because it seems like everything you try doesn’t work, you’re not alone. Don’t feel as though you have to work through this silently. We are here to help you get your anxiety under control- reach out to us to schedule an appointment within a week.
Jul 2, 2020
So you’ve decided it’s time to get counseling, but you’re not sure where to start?
Here are the 4 questions you must answer before choosing a counselor:
- Will I use my insurance or go the private pay route?
- What is the problem I’m facing?
- What are their office hours?
- How quickly do I want to start?
INSURANCE OR PRIVATE PAY?
If you want to use your insurance, call the member services line on the back of your insurance card and ask them to send you a list of “MENTAL HEALTH/BEHAVIORAL HEALTH providers” in your network. From this list, do your research online and see if you can find a good match.
Contrary to what some may think, not every counselor takes your insurance.
Be sure to call your insurance to see if they will cover counseling sessions [like phone or virtual counseling, couples counseling or group counseling].
If you are using the private pay, take a look at your finances. Many private pay counseling sessions can run you anywhere between $90-$160 per one-hour session. There are, however, other options such as sliding scale fees, hardship options, or lowered rates with clinicians.
PRESENTING PROBLEM
If you had to sum up the problem you’re facing in 1 to 3 words, what would it be? Anxiety? Family problems? Marital issues? Child’s behavior? Whatever it is, try to narrow it down. Don’t diagnose yourself, but gain an idea so you can explain it to the person on the other end of the line. It’s important your counselor has experience with your issue. Counselors have specialties or niches; so again, contrary to what you may think, not every counselor has experience or works with your presenting problem.
Also VERY important, if the person needing counseling is a child (under 18), specifically ask if the counselor has experience working with their age group (preschoolers/elementary aged/tweens/teens).
OFFICE HOURS
Counseling can be hard enough, don’t make things more complicated by having someone whose office location or hours are inconvenient for your life situation. If you live in a large city, there are actually more counselors than you may think. Check into different office locations, hours and days open during the week and make sure it compliments your life schedule. If needed, ask about virtual counseling as this could also help take the hassle out of a weekly drive to an appointment.
WAIT TIME?
Lastly, and perhaps most important, how quick is their turnaround time? How long will it take to set up an initial appointment? Some counselors have availability to see a new client asap, others have a wait list and some aren’t taking new clients at all. This is a tough trade off because some counselors are worth the wait. However, if you’re issue is urgent and pressing, the sooner the better.
We hope this list helps! Honestly, finding a counselor who matches with you might take some time. It is often one of the reasons most choose NOT to begin counseling because the process can be tough to start. Don’t lost heart. Now is the time to get help. Don’t interpret any potential obstacles in getting a counselor as some type of sign from the cosmos because it’s not!! Get help now.
Happy hunting!
May 5, 2020
SlotogateDoes staying at home make you feel like your mind is going a little crazy? Have you noticed how many people seem to be adjusting, baking, crafting, completed DIY projects and being stellar home school teachers? Do you feel the exact opposite?
You’re not alone. Over the course of this pandemic, people and communities nationwide have felt the implications of “adjusting” at home. I have heard story after story of their so-called adjustment, or lack thereof. While some are sharing how their increased time at home has been a “blessing to spend more time with family” others have secretly cried and wondered if something must be “wrong” if all they wish for is to “escape” their family for only 20 minutes.
Don’t be alarmed. Many are wondering when the whole “adjusting” will kick in instead of barely making it through each day. The reality is we don’t know the answer to that. What we do know, is adjustment takes time, consistency and applying some source of routine for emotions and thoughts to begin to chill out.
Think about an elementary aged kiddo who goes to school. There is a start and end time to school, he/she hypothetically has the same teacher, is in the same class, with the same general schedule, with the same kids, and eating lunch at the same time. Why? Because people, not just children, do well with routine, structure and predictability.
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So let’s think about that, why have the effects of COVID 19 been so hard to adjust to? No predictability, not enough time since initial impact, and lack of structure or routine.
How to begin adjusting:
- Create structure as best you can. Wake up at the same time each day, eat meals around the same time, brush your teeth, change your clothes, and develop a bedtime routine for all in the family.
- Give it time. Yes, time. Natural adjustments take months, and contrary to popular belief, you aren’t creating a habit at 28 days or even 40.
- Focus only on things you can control. There are three things and three things only you have ANY control over – your thoughts, your feelings and your actions.
- Social connection– find others you can facetime with, look into support groups to join virtually, call people you haven’t in awhile, wave to your neighbors.
- Go outside. Change your scenery and get back in touch with nature. Stretch your legs and go for a walk, drink your coffee on your balcony. Even a few minutes goes a long way.
- Social media detox. Look at the total amount of time spent on social media per week. Imagine that amount of hours invested into something else… (mind blowing)
- Silence your mind. Don’t fill your mind with too many thoughts at one time. Try and focus only on the things that are unfolding to you in this moment. Engage all of your senses and demand of your mind to stay here. No thinking of the past or future, just the now.
Whether you’re rocking a sparkling clean home, a pinterest-looking office and thinking about a future as a school teacher, or wearing yoga pants, sneaking out during the day to “water the grass” to have a moment of silence, or counting down the moments until things go back to “normal”- you’re not the only one. This goes out to the well-adjusted and barely adjusting, you’re not alone. Hang in there champ.
Apr 5, 2020
What is Telehealth Counseling?
Telehealth has been called “distance counseling,” “telecounseling,” “virtual counseling,” “online therapy” and the like. We’re all talking about the same thing- counseling that happens virtually through a tech device. The American Counseling Association defines it as the following:
“Telebehavioral health, or distance counseling, is the use of a digital platform that provides secure, encrypted, audio-video conferencing to communicate with a client in real time.”
Since the arrival of the global pandemic we call COVID-19, you have probably seen more and more people transfer services to digital or virtual mediums. Counseling is no different. But lucky for us, telehealth counseling services have been around for decades (check out more about that on the International Conference on Computer Communications).
The Benefits of Telehealth Counseling
- Convenience– You can have counseling from your house, office or even car (not moving of course!)- all in the comfort of gym shorts.
- Saving time– You don’t have to drive to your counselor’s office, get stuck in traffic, or have to wait three lights to get through that busy intersection. Some even have their session during their lunch hour… not that I recommend that.
- You’ve already got what you need– No need to purchase any new or fancy equipment. Chances are you already have a cellphone, computer or ipad- any of these will do.
- Validity– Telehealth counseling with a professional is legit. Not only has it been around awhile but there are ethics and rights that protect you. Only secure platforms are used and privacy is still a priority.
- Continuity of care– There is less chance of breaking the momentum of counseling. Car problems? Sick kiddo at home? Out of town conference? Counseling can still take place.
The Disadvantages of Telehealth Counseling
- Bad connection– Although you’re connected virtually, you’re obviously disconnected physically. It can be hard to read nonverbal communication and sometimes slow internet speed can make things choppy. Boo.
- Too “new school”– Technology can bring people together to communicate. While it has its perks, some feel it “gets in the way” of human connection. We get it- it can be kinda weird staring at a computer screen.
- Issues with technology– “Can you hear me now?” “Can you see me?” “Can you repeat that?” “Your face is frozen.” “Let’s hang up and try again.” Potential phrases you or your counselor could say.
La Luz’s Stance on Telehealth
Telehealth isn’t our first option, but we’re glad it’s an option at all. Through the use of technology, we remained connected with clients despite global pandemics, unexpected family situations, and times kids throw up in the car on the way to school. It has helped to bring people together and has helped to provide hope and emotional support through technology, even when things seem bleak. Thank you Mr. Technology, we’re glad you’re here.
Nov 26, 2018
Not feeling the holiday spirit? Do the holidays have you feeling glum? If so, you’re not the only one. Did you know holidays have a tendency of making those who feel happy, happier? and those who feel sad, sadder?
Maybe you’re grieving a breakup, divorce, death of a loved one or even the diagnosis of a medical condition. Perhaps you fall into the category where the winter season causes you to feel more depressed or anxious. Whatever the case, I need you to know you’re not the only one.
If you fall into any of these categories, here are 6 things you can try to boost your spirit:
Volunteer– humans are social creatures so doing something with, around or for others in an act of service or fellowship can enhance connection. Community and service can give one a feeling of satisfaction, accomplishment and fulfillment.
Attitude of gratitude– Finding things to be thankful for can increase overall feelings of happiness while decreasing feelings of depression. You can shift your mental lens of seeing life as a joyful experience rather than disappointment. Think of three things you’re grateful for before you even get out of bed. Then dwell on these things throughout the day. Train your brain to be more appreciative.
Be in nature– over the holidays if you’re feeling disconnected from others, it’s important to feel connected to something. Take a walk in the park, watch the sun set or see what new birds may be in your area.
Include natural light– During the winter, daylight is shorter; with less sun, we use more artificial light which can throw our internal rhythms off. So do your best to have natural light around you during the day. Light exposure can help regulate hormones and chemicals in your brain that affect your overall sleep and mood. So, if you work in a cubicle or windowless area, go outside during your break. When at home, open up curtains and blinds (not the actual windows) to let natural light inside.
Step out of routine– Do something you enjoy that you don’t normally do. Bring an air of excitement or unpredictability. Instead of watching a movie, read a book. Reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in awhile. Clean out that junk drawer. Cook a new meal.
Have a Staycation– If you’re unable to meet or travel to see your loved ones, enjoy the city you’re in. When was the last time you went to the library or to the nearest farmers market? See what tourists enjoy doing in your area and do it!
If you’re feeling low during the holidays or wintertime, just know you’re not alone. Countless people feel discouraged or down during times they “should” feel otherwise. If there has been a common theme of anxiety or depression for some time, there are people who can help. Look up local counselors, therapists or emotional support groups- if you’re not sure where to start, send us an email and we would be happy to help you or point you in the right direction.
Aug 6, 2018
I recently took an informal poll (shout out, you know who you are!) to hear what tips for a budding marriage all those married, separated, or divorced out there had. While the population was diverse, there were clear themes of listening and communication, being best friends, having TONS of patience and something about not going to bed angry. The biggest discrepancy, however, was in managing finances- to have or not to have joint bank accounts, that is the question (in Shakespearean tone of voice). No wonder it ranks as one of the top topics for greatest fights within a relationship! Take a read for some of the advice given from dozens of people who have been married from weeks to decades!:
- Always talk about your day, offer to help , never forget to tell him/her how much (s)he makes you feel better and special.
- Never go to bed angry….and always remember to continue to date your spouse…
- Forgive quickly.
- It’s not always easy. Sometimes you have to CHOOSE to love. Marriage is a choice everyday to commit to that person. The minute you stop doing that you are headed for a rocky path.
- Hangout for hours- talk, listen to music and just be together.
- Dedicate yourself to being useful to the person you love.
- Not every fight needs to be resolved. If it’s something petty there’s no need to hash it out, just agree to disagree. Make out like teenagers regularly. Keeps you young. (Christina Gonzales Polanco, San Antonio, TX).
- Add humor to serious conversations when you’re at a crossroads
- 123. 1. Own up, apologize even if it was unintended 2. Validate each others feelings 3. Try to learn from mistakes and vow to try not to make the mistake again.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s all small stuff.
- Avoid being touchy or emotional.
- Respect and love each other as equals. You’re partners.
- Have a budget!
- Listen and communicate.
- Kiss hello and goodbye.
- Don’t lie.
- Pick your battles. It won’t always be “fair”, so agree to disagree and remain friends.
- God, love, respect, trust.
- Never deny making love unless both are not in agreement.
- There is a solution to every problem. Be committed to finding that solution together as ONE.
- Put God first above all else and he will bless your marriage!
- Practice tolerance every day.
- We can get caught up in kids, jobs, etc., but when all that goes away – you will only have one another.
- When the little things start getting on your nerves, remember it was those same little things that made you fall in love.
- Forgiveness is important, play, laugh be silly and always touch.
- Pray together.
- Never stop dating.
- God first, then spouse, then kids.
Anything else you might add? Comment below!
May 30, 2018
By guest blogger: Lisa Arce, LPC
Have you found yourselves arguing more lately? Are you feeling disconnected, neglected or resentful?
Unfortunately for a lot of us, when we become angry at our spouse or partner we tend to shove it down, ignore it or not deal with it. Maybe we were taught to “pick your battles” or “it’s not worth getting angry about.” I call major BS on that. We need to tune into those emotions because that’s where growth lies. The 5 love languages allows us to understand what our spouse/partner needs from us. When we understand why we are fighting, we are in a better position to come up with a solution.
Here’s a look at what the 5 languages are:
- Words of Affirmation: If this is your love language, words speak louder than actions. Hearing, “I love you,” is important—hearing the reasons behind that love is even more powerful.
- Quality Time: To people with this love language, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical. Distractions or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
- Receiving Gifts: The receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known and that you are cared for. It’s all about the thought behind the gift.
- Acts of Service: Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Act of Service” person will speak wonders to them. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.”
- Physical Touch: A person whose primary language is physical touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love.
Beyond fighting less (or at least more productively), the concept of love languages is great for maintaining the relationship, too. Sometimes when we’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it’s easy to get complacent. When we know our partner’s love language, it’s incredibly easy to tune into what they may or may not need from us or heck ask for it ourselves! It’s like a cheat code for your relationship.
Meeting your partner’s needs for love is a choice we make each day. If we know each other’s primary love language then we can choose to speak it and help each other feel secure and happy in our relationship. But what if our partner’s love language does not come naturally to us?Well, so?? When an action doesn’t come naturally to us and we choose to intentionally do it then that is an even greater expression of intimacy. When we talk about connecting to our partner, we are speaking about choosing to lean into connection.
Overall, it all comes down to knowing what’s important to people so that you can understand, empathize, and work with them a little better. Everyone is different. We all have different life experiences; we come from different backgrounds. It makes sense that we communicate differently, too. Now don’t get me wrong, the 5 love languages can’t fix everything. They’re not going to magically make problems go away. But the concept does go a long way in communicating and connecting better, and we all know how much that matters in a relationship.
Relationships need to be maintained and healthy relationships take work. If you need help with communicating and connecting better, send me an email at: nlisaarce89@gmail.com! I am ready to help you have healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
P.S. Did you know this love language business works with kids too? Try it out and let us know how it goes!
Apr 12, 2018
Below is a list of common complaints you are likely to hear your child say, especially if they are into their teen or tween years. Although you are likely pretty sharp on knowing your kid, below is a list of statements that are some common we may find ourselves discounting them. In some instances, ignoring as a parenting tactic is a good thing. However, there are times when children say something, we need to listen up!
“You never let me do anything!”
Welcome to one of many childhood explosions! Chances are you let your child do TONS of things. A few things are likely to be going on here: they are upset, are attempting to hit you where it hurts, and it has become clear there is a communication breakdown. At this point, it is likely your child, and perhaps you, are feeling a lot of emotion.
Now is not the time to try the rational and logical route, because it’s likely not to work (yet). Give them a few minutes. From there, revisit this topic. Your child needs to know a couple of things:
- they are always free to share their opinions or feelings.
- they are not allowed to be disrespectful to others [or to themselves].
- You are willing to hear them out.
Then empathize with their feeling: “I can understand how you could feel different from the rest of the group because you’re the only one who [can’t go eat after the dance]“, attempt to compromise (when able) “I’d be ok with you grabbing dinner with them another day,” and remember you are the parent and they are the child “but staying out after 11pm is out of the question.” What mom or dad says is the law.
“I don’t want to go to school.”
Sounds like a typical expression, and quite honestly, I think we’re all notorious for saying responses like: “Well I don’t want to go to work today but I still am,” “It’s called responsibility,” or “I don’t care.” Ask yourself a few questions. Is this the first time your are hearing your child say this? Is this typical behavior? Could there be something going on? Do they say this before school or after school? Is your child pending a big test or project? Are they only saying this on certain days? How did they sleep the night before? Take a look at the context of these statements. The answers to these questions could give you the insight you need to be able to judge when to ignore or when to listen.
“(S)he makes me feel creepy.”
Listen up. Ask more questions. “What do you mean by creepy?,” “Have they ever done or said anything to make you feel uncomfortable?,” “Do you know who they are?,” etc. Err on the side of caution. While we want our kids to be polite, intuition/gut feeling can go a long way. Kids are incredibly perceptive and may be picking up on something before we do. In situations like this, your supervision can go a long way. Sometimes this means actually keeping eyes on your child when this person is around. In cases where your child is in a different location, find the “adult in charge” and touch base with them. Also, follow up with your child and do some quick practice scenarios “What would you do if they got into your space and it makes you uncomfortable?” Encourage them to create distance by taking a step back, create a nonverbal barrier by picking up an arm or hand [in a non-aggressive way], and commit to strong eye contact with this person when stating “Please step back.” Also encourage them to always know the nearest exit and to have a buddy go with them behind closed doors when with this person. Lastly, validate. Let them know you are glad they told you how they were feeling and they can always trust you to share when they’re “not feeling right” about something.
“I’m Tired.”
Unless your kid is trying to get out of an undesirable chore, listen. Here’s what the National Sleep Foundation had to say:
- Preschoolers (3-5): Sleep range widened by one hour to 10-13 hours
- School age children (6-13): Sleep range widened by one hour to 9-11 hours
- Teenagers (14-17): Sleep range widened by one hour to 8-10 hours
Unfortunately, children aren’t getting enough hours of sleep and tend to fall into the minimum number of sleep recommended for their age. Remember, the time your child actually goes to bed, is likely not the time they are actually going to sleep- big difference. Throw in a growth spurt and sporting practice and they need even more sleep- your child may need to fall closer to the middle and maximum number of sleep recommended. They aren’t going to like the adjusted bed time, but they’ll appreciate it in the morning.
“Can I go over to [person you don’t know]s house?”
No. All together now, “No.” They will proceed to rave how you never let them do anything- if they’re teens, you may hear how unfair you are and how So-and-So’s mom/dad let’s them. You would proceed to tell them “I don’t know that person, but he/she is welcome to come over here after I’ve talked with their parents so that I can get to know them. Get their number tomorrow at school so I can call them.” Your child will likely not back down easily, and that’s ok. Being angry or frustrated is normal, but remember disrespect is not. My parents did a great job making our house-THE house to be at. We had newly released DVDs (rented), junk food, and the tastiest meals (shout out mom!). We had enough space to feel independent, and enough check-ins for my parents to have an idea of what was going on. Make your house the IT house.
Mar 28, 2018
Food and nutrition play a vital role in your child’s development and growth. In a nutshell, childhood eating habits can affect brain development, mood and behavior.
Many parents find themselves struggling with their child’s challenging behavior, and wonder is there something in their diet causing their behavior to be out of control? One option you may try is the elimination of offending foods like red dye 40. It has been linked to attention and memory difficulties, impulsivity, hyperactivity, and temper tantrums.
Nutrient absorption through digestion of energy from carbs, protein, and fats support the growth and development of a child. Micro- nutrients linked to brain function include proper amounts of choline, folic acid, zinc, B6, B12, and vitamin C. In my professional practice, I have experienced observational results in cognitive development utilizing adequate amounts of omega 3’s in the diet.
It is well known that some chemical components can cause allergic reactions or have significant effects on a child’s health and behavior. Therapeutic diets are prescribed for children with food sensitivities. There are also children who have allergic reactions to specific food components. These foods include peanuts, dairy, tree nuts, soy, eggs, and shellfish allergies. Children with celiac disease or wheat sensitivities are placed on a gluten free diet. Children with Autism may also try a GAPS diet to help with behavior.
The strategy most commonly used to eliminate or decrease challenging behaviors that may be caused from a food component, is finding what food item may be triggering your child’s behavior. Suggestions include, offer the food item as tolerated into your child’s diet for a period of time, then monitor their reaction if any, to evaluate if this item is a food trigger in their behavior. Then re- introduce the suspecting food trigger to seek similar resulting behavior.
- Children should eat less than 25grams of added sugar daily. Children ages 2-18 should eat less than 6 teaspoons of added sugar daily.
- Offer whole grains, daily fiber and prebiotics. Gluten free breads: Rice millet Bread by Food for Life or Schar Products.
- Include needed protein sources, dairy products, lean meat, fish, and legumes.
- Encourage foods with natural probiotics: fermented pickles, Yakult, sourdough bread.
- Ensure adequate daily intake of Omega 3 –fatty acids to promote brain development.
- Apply dairy substitutes: Flax seed milk, (Good Karma), hemp, coconut, rice, almond or soy milk.
- Alternative dairy: goat milk, a2Milk, (without- A1 protein) or lactose fee milk.
- Increase intake of healthy whole foods that are unprocessed, like cooked or fresh fruits and vegetables.
- Avoid foods that have artificial colors, as they tend to be high in fat and sugar: exclude excess juice based sweetened beverages and nutrient poor snacks.
- Offer adequate hydration and decrease high sugar drinks. Substitute water for flavored water, infuse water -fresh fruit mixed with water: non- artificial sweetened Capri Sun Roaring Waters, Sweetleaf water drops or True Citrus products.
What we feed our children and the eating habits they become familiar with can certainly affect their mood and behavior. Look into finding what may trigger your child’s behavior if you suspect a food item may be a factor. To help you become a food investigator for your child, work closely with a trained professional who specializes in identifying the triggers or chemicals that may clinical be affecting their behavior.
IF YOU WANT TO HEAR MORE FROM EVA, CONTACT HER AT: nutritionbyeva@gmail.com OR LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW.
Feb 12, 2018
Scientist, engineers, physicists, and the like have attempted to create something which could be the biggest contribution to mankind: A Time Machine. We’ve read the books, we’ve read the stories, and pretty much agree they’ve been sci-fi [for the most part]. I don’t mean to upset any future-time-machine-creators when I say “You’re going to need all the luck you can find,” because in reality, what they’re trying to do is re-create the mind.
The mind is the only organism on the planet that is capable of transporting a person to another time, outside of the current reality. The brain has the ability, that despite the actual physical state, to relive experiences of the past, or transport us into the future towards dreams or even fears. It’s capable of taking trips into different times and does what I like to call “mind trippin’.”
Let’s consider “daydreaming.” We’ve all been there, and with research that suggests minds can wander upwards of 40% of the time, it’s no wonder that around 10am each morning I’m already dreaming of what lunch is going to be. No harm, no foul right?
The ultimate difference between day dreaming and mind trippin’ is that day dreaming can be neutral or positive in nature, while mind trippin’, as I’ve defined it, can invoke fear, shame, anxiety, or worry. Mind trippin’, when left to the chaos of its own terms, is the definition of mental health conditions like anxiety, depression or post-traumatic stress disorder.
With mind trippin’ the mind creates an alternate reality and experiences hard emotions, negative thoughts and reactive actions that reflect the imagined reality [not the present/current reality]. Think of the war vet, who comes back home and runs for cover when he hears a car exhaust backfire. Think of the mom who starts calling every major hospital after her teenager doesn’t answer the phone when she’s out. They’re reacting based off an alternate reality that feeds off major fears, doubts, and insecurities.
So remember the mind trip causes the mind to “leave” and wander off to a place in the future or the past that prompts anxiety and/or fear. Read more about those feelings here. Here are a few ways to get the mind back to the present reality:
- Command your mind to “go white” then imagine a giant stop sign. Stop the uncontrolled thoughts and stop the chaotic thinking. Imagery and visual cues can be really helpful in simply slowing down the mind.
- Reground yourself with slow and deep “belly breaths.” This means when you inhale, the breath causes the belly to rise (NOT the chest); on the exhale, the belly should flatten. Repeat this three times.
- 3, 2, 1– say out loud three things you can see, two things you can feel, and one thing you can hear. This is you body’s way of literally reminding the body of where you are (ex: “No Tommy, you’re not in Afghanistan anymore, you can see your TV, your dog, and that chips bag. You can feel your nikes on your feet and the ring on your finger. You can hear your wife doing dishes.”)
Remember, the simplest of strategies can sometimes be the most difficult to apply. The above strategies are like anything else, they will only get better with practice- the more often you do it, the better off you will be at using it when you need it. Leave a comment below of times you’ll try one of these techniques out.
Jun 24, 2025
WRITTEN BY: BRITNEY VINCENT, LPC
You might not realize it, but trauma could be showing up in your life in quiet, persistent ways—anxiety that won’t go away, irritability you can’t explain, or a constant sense of being on edge. Can EMDR Really Help You Heal from Trauma? We’ll explore how those symptoms might be more than just stress—and what healing can actually look like.
You might not realize it, but trauma could be showing up in your life in quiet, persistent ways—anxiety that won’t go away, irritability you can’t explain, or a constant sense of being on edge. Maybe you’ve learned to power through it, telling yourself it’s just stress or that you should be over it by now. But what if those symptoms are actually signs of unresolved trauma?
Many people don’t recognize how past experiences still shape their present. That lingering heaviness, disconnection, or fear—it’s not in your head, and it’s not your fault. The good news? Healing is possible.
In this post, you’ll discover what PTSD really looks like, learn about EMDR—a research-backed therapy that doesn’t require retelling every painful detail—and explore how it might be the path to freedom you didn’t know you needed.
What You Didn’t Know About PTSD (But Need To)
PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, isn’t limited to soldiers or combat survivors. It affects people who’ve experienced or witnessed any type of trauma. This might include abuse, neglect, loss, violence, car accidents, medical trauma, or overwhelming stress.
PTSD symptoms may include:
- Nightmares or flashbacks
- Avoiding reminders of the event
- Hypervigilance or feeling unsafe
- Emotional numbness or disconnection
- Mood swings or irritability
These responses aren’t signs of weakness—they’re signs that your brain is trying to protect you. The problem is, trauma can cause those protective systems to stay “on” long after the danger is gone. That’s where EMDR can help.
Can a Therapy Without Talking Really Heal Trauma?
If you’ve been carrying the weight of trauma, you don’t have to keep holding it. You don’t have to keep wondering if things will ever feel better—or if this is just how life has to be. Healing is possible, and support is available and it’s not something you have to face on your own.
At La Luz Counseling, an EMDR-trained therapist can provide a compassionate space to explore what’s been holding you back and walk with you toward healing. If you’re curious about EMDR or wondering if it’s right for you, we’d love to talk. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to learn more about EMDR and see if it’s the right fit for your healing journey.
Jun 18, 2025
One of the first questions our front office hears when someone reaches out is:
“Do you take insurance?”…And our answer? No, we don’t.
That might sound surprising—maybe even disappointing at first. But have you ever stopped to wonder why some therapists don’t accept your insurance? This blog will review 3 reasons you don’t want your therapist to accept your insurance.
Believe it or not, insurance companies have a lot more control over your therapeutic experience than you may realize. Here are three major reasons why we’ve chosen to keep them out of the therapy room—and why that might actually be a better decision for you.
1. You’re Required to Be Diagnosed—Immediately
Most people don’t realize that insurance companies require a mental health diagnosis after the very first session—100% of the time.
That means even after just one meeting, your therapist must assign a formal diagnosis that becomes part of your permanent medical record. While that might not seem like a big deal for someone who has long-term mental health struggles, it’s not that simple for everyone.
For example, many of our clients come to us with symptoms related to trauma. Trauma doesn’t always show up in obvious ways—it can look like depression, anxiety, anger, sleep issues, or mood swings. One session isn’t always enough to distinguish between, say, major depressive disorder and post-traumatic stress. We believe in getting the diagnosis right, and that often requires more time and a deeper understanding of your full story.
When insurance dictates that a diagnosis be made right away, it can put unnecessary pressure on both client and therapist to rush a process that should be thoughtful and individualized.
2. Kids Can Be Labeled for Life
Now imagine that same pressure—only with a child.
We work with many children and teens who are simply going through life transitions: starting school, adjusting to changes at home, or learning to cope with big feelings. Sometimes, what they’re feeling doesn’t require a clinical diagnosis—it just needs time, support, and guidance.
But when insurance is involved, even a 5-year-old might receive a diagnosis like Generalized Anxiety Disorder just to justify treatment coverage. That label goes into their medical record and could follow them long after they’ve grown out of the struggle. We don’t take that lightly.
Mental health isn’t always a lifelong condition—especially in children. Sometimes, it’s just a moment in time. And we believe that moment deserves care without unnecessary labels.
3. Insurance Can Disrupt or Control Your Progress
When you use insurance, your care is subject to coverage limitations, billing errors, and approval processes. It’s not uncommon for claims to be denied over the smallest technical mistake—leaving you stuck with a bill or an interrupted therapy schedule.
Worse, when someone loses insurance or changes providers, therapy may have to stop altogether. Imagine finally gaining momentum in your healing, only to lose access to your therapist because your plan changed.
When therapists don’t accept insurance, none of that happens.
There’s no need to switch therapists if your coverage changes.
There’s no waiting on approvals.
And you and your therapist can decide together how often you meet, how long you meet, and what direction your sessions take—without a third party getting in the way.
Final Thoughts: Empowering You to Make the Best Choice
At the end of the day, your mental health care should feel safe, consistent, and personal. So the next time you hear that a therapist doesn’t accept your insurance consider wisely your next move. Whether you choose a therapist who accepts insurance or not, the most important thing is that you’re making an informed decision—knowing exactly what to expect.
For us, not accepting insurance is one way we protect your privacy, prioritize accurate care, and ensure nothing gets in the way of your progress. If that sounds like the kind of experience you want, we’d be honored to support your journey.
May 20, 2025
WRITTEN BY: BRITNEY VINCENT, LPC Handling summer stress of kids at home can feel like a tall order—because while summer can be fun, it can also be stressful, especially when the kids are home all day. The days are longer, the routine changes, and sometimes it feels like everything is happening all at once. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed.
But what if summer didn’t have to be so stressful? What if you could enjoy the season more and find simple ways to make things feel less overwhelming and more manageable?
Create a Simple Daily Flow
Kids like knowing what to expect. That doesn’t mean you need a strict schedule. But having a basic flow to the day can help everyone feel more relaxed and prepared for what the day will bring. Here’s an easy example:
- Start the Day: Breakfast, getting dressed, and a few chores.
- Creative Time: Late mornings for drawing, reading, or building things.
- Quiet Time: After lunch, everyone can take a break. Read, nap, or do something quiet.
- Evening Slow Down: Go for a walk, play a game, or read before bed.
This kind of rhythm helps your family stay balanced while still leaving room for fun.
TIP: Having a consistent wake-up time and a bedtime helps us establish a healthy routine and ensures that kids are continuing to get the sleep they need.
Be Realistic With Yourself
Handling Summer Stress of Kids at Home starts with letting go of the pressure to be your child’s personal summer camp every day. It’s okay if not every moment is exciting. In fact, a little boredom can help kids learn to entertain themselves and be creative. Instead of looking for something to do when your kid tells you they are bored, encourage them to problem-solve ways they can entertain themselves. You might be surprised at what they find!
Instead of trying to make things perfect, try to be present. Summer can give us a little extra time to slow down and have more time to be present in the moment instead of rushing to the next thing.
Don’t Forget About You
Whether you are working during the summer or staying at home with your kids, summer can be a tough balancing act. But your needs matter, too. It can be easy to forget our own routines when the kids are off. Keeping your routine and finding small, practical ways to give yourself a better quality of life is key.
- Start your day with 10 minutes of quiet before everyone wakes up—even if it’s just sipping coffee alone.
- Build in one “no multitasking” break during your day: take a walk, step outside, or enjoy lunch away from your screen.
- If possible, coordinate care shifts with a partner, trusted friend, or family member so you each get time to rest.
You don’t need hours of free time to feel like yourself again. Small, steady moments of rest can help you stay grounded, patient, and connected through the summer chaos.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Ecclesiastes 3:1
Summer is a new season—full of change, movement, and opportunities to slow down. Let this be a time to reflect on what matters most and embrace the beauty of this season, even when it’s messy or loud.
Take a few minutes to think about this:
- What do I want my kids to remember about this summer?
- What can I let go of to feel less stressed?
- How can I add a little joy to our everyday routine?
Instead of trying to make things perfect, try to be present. Summer can give us a little extra time to slow down and have more time to be present in the moment instead of rushing to the next thing. “
May 12, 2025
WRITTEN BY: SARAH RIVERA, LPC-S You’ve made the brave decision to start therapy—now what? Beginning counseling is an incredible first step, but the next most important part is staying committed. Why regular attendance in therapy matters comes down to one key thing: following through with your therapist’s recommended frequency in order to build real, lasting change.
Just like building strength at the gym or learning a new skill, therapy works best with regular and focused effort. Here’s why showing up regularly matters, and how it helps you get the most out of your journey toward healing and growth.
Think of Therapy Like Training for the Mind
Imagine working with a personal trainer. In the beginning, they’ll likely want to see you more frequently to help you build momentum. Once you’re progressing, those visits may taper off. Therapy works the same way.
Most therapists recommend weekly sessions when you start out. This allows you to build trust, process what brought you in, and begin developing tools to support your goals.
Regular Attendance in Therapy Matters
The frequency your therapist suggests isn’t random—it’s part of a structured plan to help you move forward effectively. Whether it’s once a week, biweekly, or monthly, the cadence supports your emotional and mental health progress. Skipping sessions too often can interrupt that progress and make it harder to maintain the breakthroughs you’re working toward.
Yes, There’s Homework in Therapy—And It’s Worth It
Just like you wouldn’t only brush your teeth the day you see your dentist, therapy requires effort outside of sessions too. Counselors often encourage clients to practice skills or complete reflective exercises between appointments. These aren’t busywork—they’re small, intentional steps that help you apply what you’ve learned to your daily life.
Therapy Is for You—and You’re Worth the Commitment
We get it—life is busy. Therapy requires your time, energy, and often financial investment. But here’s the truth: change won’t just happen because you’re showing up to sessions. It happens when you decide to actively participate in your healing process.
You’re the one in the counseling chair, and only you can create the change you’re looking for. Why regular attendance in therapy matters becomes especially clear when you realize that true progress depends on what you do both during and between your sessions.
You May Be the First to Notice the Wins
Progress in therapy can be subtle at first—calmer reactions, more self-awareness, better boundaries. Like getting into shape, you’re often the first one to notice the changes before others do. That’s okay. Counseling isn’t for them—it’s for you.
Even if others doubt your ability to stick with it, remember why you started. You deserve the chance to reach your goals—and therapy, done consistently, is a powerful way to get there.
You’ve Got This
Therapy isn’t about perfection—it’s about regular attendance, doing the work, and giving yourself the gift of growth. Regular attendance, at the pace your therapist recommends, is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself.
Stay with it. You’re worth the time.
Apr 29, 2025
WRITTEN BY SARAH RIVERA, LPC April is National Counseling Awareness Month and National Minority Health Month—a perfect time to remind ourselves that sometimes when culture and counseling cross it can be tough. But it’s also a time for us to talk about how counseling through a cultural lens can be helpful too, especially for people who often feel unseen, overlooked, or left out.
At La Luz Counseling, we know that minority communities have often grown up with certain expectations or beliefs. Many times, talking about emotions wasn’t normal—or it may have even been discouraged. Maybe you were told to keep things quiet or to deal with them behind closed doors.
In other situations, you may have been told to “just pray about it” or to leave it in God’s hands. While some of this advice may come from a place of love or faith, it can still feel lonely to handle everything on your own.
When Culture and Counseling Cross
In many families, counseling feels strange—or even wrong. Culturally, some people believe that asking for help means you’re weak or broken. But that’s not true.
If you are resistant to therapy, it often helps to consider how you were raised or what your culture is made up of. In many communities, strength is measured by how much you can carry silently. Sharing emotions may be seen as a burden to others, or even as a sign of failure. But that mindset often comes from generations who had to survive with limited resources, where staying quiet was a way to stay safe.
Still, hiding pain doesn’t make it go away—it only makes it harder to carry. Just because something is familiar, doesn’t mean it’s healthy. And just because something is cultural, doesn’t mean it can’t grow or change.
Faith and Counseling
We love that faith is important. At La Luz Counseling, we believe faith is a core part of daily life. Many of our clients lean on prayer and trust God when life gets hard. Prayer is powerful—but so is Jesus.
He works in many ways and through many people. He never meant for us to face life alone. He gave us community so that we can find encouragement and support from one another.
You can go to church and go to therapy. You can talk to God and still talk to a counselor. You can believe in Jesus and still believe in therapy too.
We believe—strongly—that faith, culture, and counseling matter, and they can come together in a way that brings deep healing and hope.
Why Culturally, Counseling Can be Hard
For many people—especially in minority communities—starting counseling can feel difficult. There are many reasons for this:
- Money – Therapy can feel too expensive, especially if you need to go regularly. We understand that. That’s why we offer reduced-rate sessions and can help connect you with local agencies that offer free or low-cost services.
- Access – Sometimes you just don’t know where to start. But when you ask, there are people ready to point you in the right direction.
- Trust – Let’s be honest: opening up to a total stranger is hard. But if you can trust the process and begin to trust the person, healing can begin. When trust is built and you stick with counseling, your progress becomes real and visible.
- Representation – It helps to see yourself in your therapist. No, your counselor doesn’t have to know exactly what it’s like to be you—but it can help if they understand or respect your cultural background. If race, culture, or ethnicity is important to you when choosing a therapist, that’s OK. You deserve to feel seen and heard.
You Are Allowed to Start Counseling
This month—and every month moving forward—let’s remind ourselves that when culture and counseling cross it can be a wonderful thing. They do belong in the same room.
You are allowed to ask for help.
You are allowed to get support.
You are allowed to begin your healing journey.
We’re here when you’re ready to start. Yes, your faith and culture matter, and so do you.
To read more about how mental health and cultural identity intersect, especially within the Latino community, check out our blog on Hispanic Heritage Month and Mental Health.
Apr 9, 2025
WRITTEN BY: SARAH RIVERA, LPC-S April is Alcohol Awareness Month. This is the perfect time to talk about something often overlooked —warning signs of a loved one’s drinking behavior. In this post, we’ll walk you through 5 warning signs of your loved one’s drinking behavior. We hope that by the end of this read, it will help you better understand when it’s time to be concerned.
Alcohol is often associated with fun, parties, and connection. Coming together with friends and family, especially in the context of celebrations and certain culture (like military families and Latino communities), alcohol is usually in the mix. However, alcohol intake and drinking can sometimes shift from casual to concerning without us realizing it. Whether it’s part of weekend gatherings or used as a way to unwind, alcohol can quickly become a harmful coping mechanism. In worse cases, it can negatively impact relationships, emotional health, and overall well-being.
Let’s talk about the difference between social drinking and something more serious—and what to do when that line starts to blur.
Understanding Alcohol Use vs. Abuse
Not all drinking is bad or harmful. But knowing the difference between alcohol use and alcohol abuse can help you recognize when it’s time to speak up.
- Moderate alcohol use is defined as up to 1 drink per day for women and 2 drinks per day for men, according to the CDC.
- Alcohol abuse begins when drinking becomes excessive, impacts daily functioning, or harms relationships.
- Binge drinking is 4 or more drinks in one sitting for women, or 5 or more for men.
If (you or) your loved one is consistently drinking beyond these limits, it may be time to consider the impact of their alcohol use.
5 Warning Signs of Your Loved One’s Drinking Behavior
1. Tolerance is Increasing
If it takes more alcohol for your loved one to feel the same effect. Specifically, they’re drinking more often than they used to. This could be a sign of dependence forming.
2. Alcohol Is Always on Their Mind
Spending a lot of time drinking, talking about drinking, or planning around when they can drink again is a red flag. When alcohol becomes a central part of their day or week, it’s no longer just a social habit—it’s a priority.
3. Risky or Dangerous Behavior
Alcohol impairs decision-making. If your loved one is drinking and driving, engaging in aggressive behavior, or making impulsive choices while intoxicated, their drinking is putting them—and others—at serious risk.
4. It’s Affecting Their Responsibilities
Has your loved one missed work, skipped family obligations, or shown up intoxicated to important events? Alcohol abuse often gets in the way of important things. It can cause problems personally, professionally, or with family life, making it hard to ignore.
5. Emotional or Mental Health Changes
Despite being viewed as a stress reliever, alcohol is a depressant. It can worsen anxiety, depression, sleep issues, and mood swings. If your loved one seems more emotionally unpredictable or withdrawn, alcohol might be part of the problem—not the solution.
What You Can Do
If these signs sound familiar, you don’t have to handle them alone. Here are a few first steps:
- Start the conversation. Approach your loved one gently and non-judgmentally. Share what you’ve noticed using “I” statements like, “I’ve been worried about how often you’ve been drinking lately.”
- Express care, not criticism. Avoid accusations. Focus on your concern for their well-being.
- Encourage professional help. A therapist or medical professional can help them explore their relationship with alcohol and take meaningful steps forward.
Support for You Matters Too
If your loved one isn’t ready to get help—or doesn’t think their drinking is a problem—that doesn’t mean you’re powerless. You deserve support and to have a good quality of life too. If your gut is telling you something isn’t right—trust it. These 5 warning signs of your loved one’s drinking behavior are meant to help you spot concerns early and take meaningful steps with compassion and clarity.
At La Luz Counseling, we work with individuals who are worried about a family member’s substance use and need a safe space to process, set boundaries, and explore next steps. You don’t have to wait for a crisis to care for your mental and emotional health. You’re not alone. We’re here to help.
Mar 31, 2025
WRITTEN BY: BRITNEY VINCENT, LPC Spring is a season of new starts—a time when nature wakes up, flowers bloom, and the world feels fresh again. But spring cleaning isn’t just for our homes; you can learn how to spring clean your life too.
Clearing out physical clutter creates space for peace in our homes. Letting go of emotional and mental clutter can also makes room for joy, clear thoughts, and purpose. This season is an invitation to reflect: What is adding value to my life? What is simply taking up space? What is holding me back from stepping fully into the person I am becoming? Spring reminds us that fresh starts are always possible. Just as nature awakens from winter, we, too, can step into new beginnings.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. –Isaiah 43:19
Let’s look at what it means to “spring clean” your life and how how this fresh start can bring peace and joy.
What Does It Mean to “Spring Clean” Your Life?
Spring cleaning your life is about more than organizing a closet—it’s about choosing on purpose, what is serving you and what isn’t. It’s a chance to pause and ask yourself:
- What is draining my energy?
- What is bringing me joy?
- Where am I holding onto things, relationships, or things that no longer align with who I am?
Many times, we keep old habits, heavy ties, or bad thoughts just because they are familiar—without realizing how much they weigh us down. But just as trimming helps a tree grow stronger, letting go of what no longer serves us allows us to grow too.
Identify What Needs Spring Cleaning
A great way to start this process is by making a list. Take a look at things that give you energy, peace, and fulfillment. Then list things that leave you feeling tired, overwhelmed, or stuck.
As you think about this, consider these areas of your life:
- Relationships: Who encourages and lifts me up? Who drains my energy?
- Tasks: Which ones match your goals? Which ones feel like chores?
- Habits: What things help you grow? What keeps you stuck in stress or doubt?
Spring Clean: Let Go of The Clutter
Letting go is hard. Sometimes we hold onto things because they’re familiar. Or perhaps because we don’t want to disappoint others. Maybe we even we fear the unknown. But holding onto the wrong things keeps us from getting what is meant for us.
This spring, give yourself permission to let go of the clutter. Things like:
- Unhealthy relationships – If someone makes you feel unimportant, hurt, or anxious, it is okay to step back. Good ties should feel encouraging and positive, not draining.
- Overwhelming commitments – If your schedule is jam packed with “To-Do”s that leaves little room for joy. Think about where you can say no or set boundaries.
- Unhealthy habits – Whether it’s negative self-talk, putting things off, or always putting others before yourself, look at patterns that keep you stuck. Then take small steps towards change.
- Most importantly—release the guilt that comes with letting go. Just like clearing out clutter makes space for a more peaceful home, letting go of emotional and mental mess makes room for something better.
A Challenge for You
God invites us to step into His grace, letting go of the burdens that weigh us down, just like clearing out the clutter that no longer serves us. Renewal isn’t just about getting rid of what’s old—it’s about making room for the joy, peace, and purpose that God is leading us toward, much like spring cleaning makes space for fresh beginnings and new growth.
This spring, take time to reflect on what’s adding value to your life vs. what’s holding you back. Reflect on what adds value to your life and what holds you back. This spring, write down three things to release and three to embrace. Trust that letting go creates space for the joy, peace, and purpose God intends for you. Spring cleaning isn’t just for your home—it’s for your heart and spirit, too.
Mar 6, 2025
WRITTEN BY: SARAH RIVERA, LPC-S In times of busyness, it’s easy to forget the importance of sleep, but better sleep equals better mental health—it’s that simple. Whether it’s work, family obligations, or financial stress, we often prioritize everything else, leaving our basic needs, including sleep, at the bottom of the list. What’s surprising is how quickly this neglect can affect us—eating habits suffer, sleep patterns get disrupted, and even basic activities like physical movement and breathing can become harder to maintain. Crazy, right?
Why Better Sleep is Essential for Better Mental Health
It’s important to understand the essential role sleep plays in our mental well-being. Think of sleep as the time your body and mind use to recharge. It’s like plugging your devices into a charger—except, in this case, it’s your physical and emotional battery that needs recharging. For adults, men generally need seven or more hours, while women typically require eight or more hours per night. Without enough sleep, we can feel like we’re running on empty, stuck in the yellow zone.
Bad Sleep Equals Bad Mental Health
When we don’t get enough sleep, it can lead to a range of mental and emotional reactions. Sleep loss increases cortisol, the stress hormone, which can cause mood swings, memory problems, trouble focusing, irritability, and even feelings of hopelessness.
Bad sleep habits can worsen mental health symptoms. Poor sleep makes anxiety worse, increases stress, and raises mood swings. It affects thinking, making it harder to focus, remember, or think clearly. It also makes it harder to control emotions, causing irritability and outbursts. Over time, poor sleep makes it more difficult to handle stress and raises the risk of depression.
Simply put, better sleep, better mental health—when we focus on sleep, we improve our well-being, and everything else falls into place.
How to Make Your Sleep Better
If your mind feels foggy, focusing seems impossible, or you’re feeling disconnected from everything around you, it might be time to assess your sleep quality.
Start by tracking how many hours of sleep you’re getting each night. Keep a journal or diary to note when you go to bed and when you actually fall asleep—these two things are very different! Also, take note of how often you wake up during the night and whether your sleep is interrupted. This simple exercise will give you insight into your sleep habits and help identify areas for improvement.
Once you’ve identified patterns, you can begin improving your sleep routine. Here are a few tips to get started:
- Limit liquids before bed: Avoid drinking liquids a couple of hours before going to sleep to prevent waking up in the middle of the night.
- Optimize your sleep environment: Make sure the temperature in your room is comfortable. A cool, quiet space is ideal for sleep.
- Cut out screen time: Turn off all electronic devices at least one hour before bed. The blue light emitted by phones, tablets, and computers can trick your brain into thinking it’s daytime, making it harder to fall asleep. Even if you think using your phone helps you wind down, it’s likely making the problem worse.
- Be consistent: Establish a regular sleep schedule. Going to bed and waking up at the same time every day can help regulate your body’s internal clock.
Now, I know habits can be tough to break, but it’s important to start somewhere—why not today? Once you’ve made some changes to your routine, keep tracking your sleep. Pay attention to any shifts in your mood, energy, and ability to concentrate. You might be surprised by the improvements you notice.
Feb 27, 2025
WRITTEN BY: BRITNEY VINCENT, LPC- Sometimes, it’s hard to know your self-worth. Yes, everyone has unique strengths, experiences, and qualities that make them valuable. But why do we compare ourselves to others, doubt our abilities, or feel like we’re not good enough? Understanding your worth can help you feel more confident and create a life that reflects your true self. Here’s how you can start embracing your worth and understanding your own value.
Why Your Self-Worth Matters
To know your self-worth affects every part of your life—from relationships and life choices to self-esteem and personal growth. When you understand your value, you are more likely to:
- Set and maintain healthy boundaries.
- Go after opportunities that match your strengths.
- Feel confident in yourself and your abilities.
- Build stronger, healthier relationships.
When you recognize your worth, you’re able to recognize things that are important to you and start making choices that reflect those values.
How to Recognize Your Self-Worth
We all have different values and strengths—these unique traits shape who we are. Learning what yours are helps you create clear goals on how to reflect them in your daily life.
Here are a few key steps to help you start exploring your values:
1. Identify Your Strengths
Think about what you’re good at—whether it’s being a great listener, problem-solving, or being creative. Write down your strengths to remind yourself of the value you bring.
2. Challenge Negative Self-Talk
Your thoughts shape how you see yourself. If you catch yourself thinking, I’m not good enough or I don’t deserve this, push back. Replace those thoughts with, I have a lot to offer or This is important to me.
3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
In today’s world, it’s easy to compare ourselves to others, but your journey is unique to you. Focus on what is important to you and your own growth instead of measuring yourself against someone else.
4. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
The people around you influence how you feel about yourself. Stay close to those who encourage and uplift you. A strong support system can help you see the value you bring and remind you of your worth when you struggle to see it yourself.
Build Confidence in Your Self- Worth
Understanding your worth is the first step—believing in it takes confidence. Here’s how to build it:
- Celebrate your wins: Acknowledge and be proud of your achievements, big or small.
- Take care of yourself: Make time for things that support your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
- Set boundaries: Recognize areas of your life that aren’t supporting your value and set boundaries. Knowing when to say no or take a step back keeps you on track.
- Keep learning and growing: Growth is a lifelong journey. Working on yourself and seeing the progress you make helps reinforce your belief in your abilities.
Your value doesn’t depend on how much you have done or other people’s opinions. Your worth is yours to own—it’s not something you have to prove. By recognizing your strengths, challenging self-doubt, and surrounding yourself with a strong support system, you can strengthen your confidence and embrace your self-worth.
If you’re struggling to recognize and truly know your self-worth and value, counseling can help you explore your strengths and build confidence. At La Luz Counseling, we’re here to help you see and embrace your true value..
Psalm 139:14:
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
Feb 4, 2025
WRITTEN BY: SARAH RIVERA, LPC-S Not all teenage relationships are filled with love and happiness, and uncommon red flags in teen relationships that parents shouldn’t ignore can sometimes be hidden beneath the surface. For many parents, watching their teenager engage in a relationship can be overwhelming. However, concern and worry can quickly arise when you notice subtle warning signs that suggest emotional or psychological harm.
While extreme warning signs like physical abuse or stalking are easier to recognize, some subtle but serious red flags can go unnoticed. This blog highlights uncommon teen relationship warning signs that parents should be aware of.
Extreme Mood Swings After Interactions with Their Partner
Teen moodiness is normal, but sudden, unexplained emotional shifts after talking to their partner may signal an issue. If your teen goes from extremely happy to sad, anxious, or withdrawn right after a call or text, it may indicate emotional manipulation or toxicity in the relationship.
Possessive Jealousy Disguised as “Caring”
Many teens mistake jealousy for love. If your teen’s partner is overly jealous—getting upset when they spend time with friends, demanding constant attention, or pressuring them to cut ties with others—it may be a sign of controlling behavior.
Social Media as a Source of Control
Unhealthy relationships often involve social media conflicts, such as:
- Demanding access to passwords or accounts
- Controlling who they can follow or friend
- Using fake accounts to monitor their partner’s online activity
- Blocking/unblocking as a form of punishment
If your teen’s relationship involves these behaviors, it could indicate a lack of trust and emotional manipulation.
Verbal Insults and Demeaning Comments
Another type of uncommon red flags in teen relationships is the use of negative and hurtful remarks. While outright name-calling is an obvious red flag, subtler verbal insults can be just as damaging. If your teen’s partner frequently makes sarcastic, belittling, or critical remarks that hurt their self-esteem, it could escalate into emotional abuse over time.
Isolation from Family and Friends
A controlling partner may pressure your teen to spend all their time together, discouraging them from seeing family or friends. Signs of unhealthy isolation include:
- Missing out on family events due to relationship pressure
- Being guilt-tripped into spending all their free time with their partner
- Their partner reacting angrily when they socialize with others
Rough Play That Crosses the Line
While playful teasing is normal, roughhousing that leads to bruises or injuries is not. If your teen’s partner consistently uses physical force in a joking way, it could be an early sign of physical boundary violations that may escalate.
Invasion of Privacy and Constant Surveillance
A relationship should have healthy boundaries, but demanding 24/7 access to your teen’s location, phone, or messages is a red flag. Signs of invasive behavior include:
- Expecting constant text replies or FaceTime check-ins
- Getting angry if they don’t respond immediately
- Pressuring them to share passwords or prove their whereabouts
What Parents Can Do
If you notice any of these uncommon red flags in your teens relationship, start a conversation with your teen. Ask open-ended questions and express your concerns without judgment. If needed, seek guidance from a counselor or professional.
By staying alert to unhealthy relationship patterns, you can help your teen recognize the difference between love and control—and guide them toward healthy, respectful connections.
For more resources on recognizing and addressing unhealthy teen relationships, visit Love Is Respect, a national resource dedicated to teen dating violence awareness and prevention.
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