What Is Generational Trauma?
WRITTEN BY: GRACE NOWLIN, LPC-ASSOCIATE, LMFT ASSOCIATE, SUPERVISED BY ANNIE VIERS, LPC-S, LMFT-S Generational trauma refers to the impact of unresolved, high stress situations that are passed down from generation to generation in families. Trauma is not just something that happens in one person’s life and only impacts that one person (read more about that HERE). Somtimes trauma affects multiple generations over and over. Maybe you have noticed that people in your family seem to struggle with the same problems. Maybe a certain issues exist more in your family compared to other families over time. For example, you notice your grandmother and your mom feel like men are never to be trusted, so you begin to doubt men’s intentions too.
We all have traits that have been passed down from generations before us, like our eye color or our height. Something less obvious that we can inherit from generations past is their trauma. This comes from those in past generations going through traumatic events and not fully healing from them. These events can include severe illnesses, abuse, natural disasters, or even drug use. This trauma can impact future generations in how they deal with similar events, which can then impact their future children, and so on. If breaking unhealthy family patterns seems hard, it’s becuase it is. But this blog will talk about some ways to start trying.
Why Family Patterns Repeat
Have you ever seen a video of a dog that was raised by cats or around cats? Those dogs become more “cat-like” in how they act and behave. It’s because that is all they have known from their upbringing. Family patterns can be like that too. They can repeat because of previous generations doing the best with what they have at the time, since that is all they know. An example of this can be if we have a tense relationship with our parents becuase of how we were raised by them. We’d like to place all of the blame on our parents, but you must remember your parents learned from their parents, who learned from their parents, and so on. This does not excuse poor or neglectful behavior, but it offers some perspective on why that behavior started in the first place.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
The idea of “boundaries” seems like a big hurdle until we define it correctly. Holding a boundary does not mean saying “no” to everything or shutting everyone out. I like to think of boundaries as fences. You have a fence around your yard to protect it and mark where you feel safe. Drawing a boundary with someone allows you to have a relationship with them, but in a way that you feel safe. This could look like refusing to engage in certain behaviors with family members because you know that avoiding those behaviors will be the best way to keep your peace. For example, maybe every Christmas, your family gets together, drinks alot, then fights alot. Having a boundary doesn’t necessarily mean NOT going to a Christmas gathering. Applying a boundary might be like being sure to take your own car so you can leave if things get tense.
Faith Perspective on Forgiveness and Growth
It’s important to remember God’s love extends across thousands of generations, like in Deuteronomy 7:9. God knows us, and He knew the generations He was speaking to at the time and all the generations to come. He did not expect any generation to be perfect and knew we would have our faults. Despite that, God still sent Jesus to save us. Jesus came to forgive us and save us, our parents, our grandparents and so on. But sometimes, especially when you have been really hurt by your parents, it can be hard to forgive. But the truth is, forgiveness is more for you and your future, rather than for them and their past with you. It’s important to remember that we are all imperfect and our families are imperfect, but we have the power to forgive and grow through Jesus. Generational trauma and stopping it from continuing into your future takes alot of courage, but forgiveness is one way to begin to stop generational trauma from leaking into the next generation aka your kids.
Therapy Can Help You Break the Cycle
Looking at patterns while your in counseling is a very important skill. Once we identify a pattern, we are better able to predict outcomes and identify triggers sooner rather than later. Counseling can help you process family patterns as you find them. Counseling can also help you learn new coping skills that can help you reduce the spread of generational trauma by helping you heal from your own trauma. We all have family baggage, but you don’t have to carry it alone. The counselors at La Luz Counseling here in San Antonio, Texas are happy to help you when you feel ready to take the next step towards healing.
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