WRITTEN BY: GRACE NOWLIN, LPC-ASSOCIATE, LMFT-ASSOCIATE SUPERVISED BY ANNIE VIERS, LPC-S/LMFT-S You might have seen and heard people saying they are “in their self-care era.” But what does that actually mean? What is self-care and why does it seem so hard to apply? Does that stuff even work? Here’s a hint: self-care is more than face masks and sweet treats.
The Biggest Self-Care Myth
Self-care is often confused with body-care. Yes, spa days and fun treats are a great way to find some happiness and break up the day-to-day routine. But those activities don’t reach the “self” that we are hoping to care for. True self-care goes deeper than treating yourself to something enjoyable. It means taking time to understand what matters most to you and making choices that support your values, emotional well-being, and personal growth. Real self-care helps you manage stress, build resilience, and become the healthiest version of yourself—not just feel better for a moment.
Why Your Nervous System Needs More Than “Relaxation”
Relaxation is nice, but what happens when the self-care activity ends? Do you feel better in your soul and more peaceful? Or do you go back to the feelings you had before, like feeling stressed or overwhelmed? Relaxation is nice, but it does not help achieve the nervous system regulation that we are hoping for with self-care. Having a regulated nervous system does not mean feeling happy or calm all the time. Instead, it means you are able to handle life’s challenges without them overwhelming your well-being or disrupting your daily life. Achieving this regulated nervous system takes practice and patience, so don’t feel discouraged if you feel like you haven’t accomplished that yet!
Therapy Tools That Restore Balance
Some simple tools that can help you work towards a regulated nervous system include grounding, breathing techniques, and journaling.
Grounding helps you stay focused in the present moment instead of worrying about the future or ruminating on the past. A grounding technique I like to use is the 5-4-3-2-1 method.
This asks you to identify:
- 5 things you can see,
- 4 things you can touch,
- 3 things you can hear,
- 2 things you can smell, and
- 1 thing you can taste to help keep you in the present moment.
Deep breathing can quickly help calm your nervous system and bring you back to the present. Intentional deep breaths can be practiced anywhere.
I like to use the box breathing technique.
- Where you breathe in for a count of 4,
- hold for 4,
- breathe out for 4,
- hold for 4,
- and repeat.
Journaling is a great tool for checking in with yourself and asking yourself how you feel in the present. The prompt for journaling can be as simple as “what am I feeling in my body right now.”
Small Habits That Reduce Stress Daily
It is hard to practice self-care in a fast paced life, so one of the best ways to start implementing self-care practices is to slow down. This can look like taking a few deep breaths before your commute, a tough conversation, or an appointment. This also includes checking in with yourself to see how you are feeling after certain interactions, or if any situations brought up unexpected feelings for you. Taking a minute to calm your breathing and check in with yourself can help to lower stress and help you stay present in the moment.
When Professional Counseling Is Needed
If you are struggling to figure out what self-care means for you, we would be happy to help you here at La Luz Counseling in San Antonio, Texas. You are not alone if you feel like you need to re-define the role of self-care in your life. Counseling can help you identify where your needs have not been met, and how to meet them in a sustainable way that builds you up over time. Click here to schedule a time to talk with one of our counselors.
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